I will die if light touches me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
foreskin is a definite game changer
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
