i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
