hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
