I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
