i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize