so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
