I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
