Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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