I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
