I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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