i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
