Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
