Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
