Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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