we're blogging at a bar
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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