i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
