Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
