It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
