I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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