Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
