she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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