Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
