saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
