The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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