i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
