Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
