kristin has been a bad kristin
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
