Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
