My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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