I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
