Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize