I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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