Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I need moral support for this bender
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
