you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
