yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
