yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize