you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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