Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
