Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
