Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
