"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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