Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
