just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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