i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
