Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize