when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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