so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
