I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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