a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
