My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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