remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
