Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
