'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
