My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
