It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
