i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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