After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
