Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
