oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
