so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize