i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just threw up on my dentist
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
