Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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