I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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