She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Houston, we have a squirter
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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