just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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