Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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