I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
