Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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