I cockslap morals
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
